Further proof that 99 percent of all soft news articles are just otterly ridiculous. - Matty Malaprop

I'll tell you the rest of the joke in a minute, I promise, but I need to get over the hurdle that is the lead in first. - Matty Malaprop

Don't let them tell you otherwise; every ditch in the world just lives to suck... shocks. Yeah, that's the word I was looking for. - Matty Malaprop